I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
