I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
