His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
