Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
It's Friday. Sex?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
