I can tuck mytits in my pants
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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