Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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