Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
i now understand why vodka
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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