I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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