dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
