you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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