I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize