this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
