we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
