Ambien. No doubt about it.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
