just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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