its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
