I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
