just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
