epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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