My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
