So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Houston, we have a blender
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
