Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
