isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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