i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
if i died would you start the facebook group?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Hippo gnu deer
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
