dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
