His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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