I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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