booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
we made out on top of his cat.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
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