and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
