She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
