i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize