"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Randomize
