I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
