Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
