I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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