He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
