Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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