I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
