Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
i think i just lost a toe
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize