never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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