I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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