Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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