I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I just got carded by a ten year old.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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