Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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