y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
