I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
