Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
