There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
