I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
