This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
