Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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