I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
