A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
