when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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