my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
