I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
