Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
