I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
