I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
