Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
