I love black thongs
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I am one with the molecules
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
