your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
