So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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