the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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