just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
