Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
