I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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