honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
