if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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