Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Just took my morning after pill in the library
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
