Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
