I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
